


Hope For The Hopeless

by LilyAnson



Series: The Long Road Home [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Apologies, Cured Crowley, Guilt, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Other, Sad Ending, Trials of Hell, one-sided conversations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-02
Updated: 2016-02-02
Packaged: 2018-05-17 20:45:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5884588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilyAnson/pseuds/LilyAnson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Too much self-pity is bad for the soul.  Crowley attempts to work through guilt and apologizes for things that were beyond his control. </p><p>(Not all weeks are written.  Some stories might have a visit or two between them.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hope For The Hopeless

**Author's Note:**

> _When I thought that I fought this war alone._  
>  _We were one with our destinies entwined._  
>  _When I thought that I fought without a cause._  
>  _You gave me the reason why._  
>  ~Poets of the Fall, War

“It’s Sunday again,” Crowley stated.

Sitting on his bench he put the flowers down beside him. 

“Before you say anything they were out of lilies. Something about their suppliers having an insect infestation or something. I don’t know. Honestly I wasn’t paying that much attention.”

Crowley shrugged.

“Gina accused me of patronizing her shop solely to flirt with her. She’s probably right,” Crowley said with a small grin. “Can you blame me?”

Leaning back against the bench he closed his eyes. It was getting colder but it wasn’t too bad yet. Soon the days would get bitter. Still he would make sure to visit every Sunday. More if he found himself getting restless. Visiting with Lisa always calmed him. Opening his eyes he sat forward again. 

“I want to thank you again for letting me stay with you after I was cured. I know Dean didn’t really appreciate my presence. I really hoped that after I left things would get better between you two. I know I’m not supposed to apologize about that anymore but I am sorry. It’s hard not to feel guilty about how things turned out when I was the reason his brother died.”

Crowley shook his head.

“Yes, Lisa,” Crowley huffed. “I know, I know. He made the decision. I can still feel guilty about it.”

Crowley chewed on his lower lip as he reminisced.

*****

_“Easy there. Okay. Just take it easy. We got a slight change of plan.”_

_“What? What's going on? Where's Cas?”_

_“Metatron lied. You finish this trial, you're dead, Sam.”_

_"So?"_

*****

“You know, a part of me hoped Sam would finish curing me? I don’t think I ever told you that.” He laughed derisively. “Hell, I don’t think I ever told anyone that. I _wanted_ Dean to be wrong. I _wanted_ to be cured. I _didn’t_ want Sam to die. You have to believe that. If I had known…” 

Crowley shook his head again.

“I suppose I did know. I just didn’t want to believe,” Crowley said sadly. “Even then I knew I needed help. I didn’t want to believe he wouldn’t be there. I know Dean needed Sam. Anyone who ever met them knew they were co-dependent. I needed him too, though. For the longest time I thought I could do everything on my own. I never wanted to be dependent on anyone. I always viewed it as a weakness… Then I met the Winchesters.”

Crowley bit his lower lip.

“I’m glad they’re together again, I am. It’s just that sometimes I need him here as well. That’s probably enough feeling sorry for myself for one day. I can imagine what Sam would say if he was listening. As always, you’ve been lovely company. I’ll try to be better company next time.”

Picking up the flowers Crowley leaned down and placed them on the grave.

“Until next time.”

Turning he made his way out of the cemetery.


End file.
